Do things happen for a reason?
Do our choices mean anything or are we made a certain way that our choices are all planned out?
Life is so hard..... There are things that I still don't finish understanding.... and I am tired and lost... I don't know how to think or how to act or what to do....
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
The Hummingbird
So, as life goes on we are supposed to get more experience... but I am hating all this experience...
I have to say... There was this one day, many years ago, when my parents didn't let me date. My dad told me, I don't want you to get your heart broken. I thought to myself: What if I want to get my heart broken. So I went ahead and got my heart broken, and then I might have broken one too.
NOW, well I am feeling that my heart is in a million tiny pieces.... With everything going on I feel so fragile, I feel like any little thing will hurt me even more... I don't want to have to go through this anymore.. I know that I am getting what I asked for, broken hearts, and maybe experience... but right now I don't know I guess I am fragile and with my heart the way it is, I feel that if I get even the slightest scratch, I'll die....
A few days ago I was sitting in my back patio and I noticed a humming bird... It was flying around sucking on flowers and boy, how I wished at that moment that I was a humming bird. With such an easy, graceful and beautiful life... But not everyone get what they want...
I guess I'll pass this moment, taking a look around me and making sure to value what I have in front of me. The people that are around me and support me.
I know that I might not have gotten the chance to do what I wanted to do this year. My dreams haven't gotten true. However, I will work hard to achieve them. I will get through this mess and fix everything. One way or another I will get to where I want to be.
I have to say... There was this one day, many years ago, when my parents didn't let me date. My dad told me, I don't want you to get your heart broken. I thought to myself: What if I want to get my heart broken. So I went ahead and got my heart broken, and then I might have broken one too.
NOW, well I am feeling that my heart is in a million tiny pieces.... With everything going on I feel so fragile, I feel like any little thing will hurt me even more... I don't want to have to go through this anymore.. I know that I am getting what I asked for, broken hearts, and maybe experience... but right now I don't know I guess I am fragile and with my heart the way it is, I feel that if I get even the slightest scratch, I'll die....
I guess I'll pass this moment, taking a look around me and making sure to value what I have in front of me. The people that are around me and support me.
I know that I might not have gotten the chance to do what I wanted to do this year. My dreams haven't gotten true. However, I will work hard to achieve them. I will get through this mess and fix everything. One way or another I will get to where I want to be.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
On trust...
Okay, so I have been told multiple times that one of my worst flaws is that I trust everyone.... Or better said I trust everyone too easily...I know that for a fact because I am quite open once you start telling me something, I have tried to work on it on recent years but I guess I have failed.
My problem is that I trust people in a way that they can come back and hit me in the back... But I take it too easily, I don't get upset and then that's why it is so easy for people to come back and do it all over again. I should have learned my lesson by now.
Now a days I can't trust my own family.... Yes it has gotten to that point. To the point where I don't know whether I can talk to them and know that I can have their support, because I can't count on their support for anything. They support me on the things that they find to their liking and not to everything that I wish for. That is the reason why all these years I haven't been able to count on their help, I can't say, "oh my parents will help me" because I don't know if they will. In the past few months I have been able to talk to my mom more often and I can tell her things. On the other side I know my dad should be no choice because I don't know how he will take things. He might like what I have to say or he might hate it. So when he hates it, he gets furious and oh who should go against his plans! Aaaahh! That is the reason why I have never confined on him, and probably never will... It is just way too hard to talk to him and when I do try to talk to him he doesn't understand half the things I have to say.
Well that was way out of topic wasn't it. Ugh.. Anyway, I suppose that is it... I should learn to get to know people before I trust them....
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Life at the moment is hell...
I have something to say, my life seems like hell right now....
I have been gone for way too long... At first... well I can say that I didn't write because life was way too nice to me... Everything was bright and I was happy....
Sadly, things always change.....
I have to adapt to a new environment, I have to learn to mend broken hearts and to look out for others. I have new responsibilities that I had never known before. I have things to think about that I couldn't have ever imagined...
However, I have people that support me. I have my loving boyfriend who is there for me and I have an amazing sister who needs me to be there for her.
Sometimes I don't know how to deal with the pain, sometimes I forget that this is just the nature of life. I have to repeat to myself that everything happens for a reason and in the end everything will turn out okay. I have to remember that I will achieve my goals only if I get through this, and if I don't then everything will be harder... As soon as I am done with this bump I will continue my college education and achieve my career....
Throughout the short years in my life I have learned many things and I have gone through many hills and valleys. I have had amazing moments in my life, but I have had horrifying and hard moments that give me too much pain... Like the pain I am feeling at this moment... The pain that doesn't hurt my body but they hurt me emotionally...
As everyday passes the pain doesn't decrease, it just increases... It increases exponentially and as everyday passes I get more and more tired of this hell... I wish that it could just end, the stabbing pain has to go away eventually, but I feel that this pain is not up to its full potential. I still have more to go through, I have yet to get to peak of this misery. I know that I will be hurt more, more parts of my heart will be broken, but I have to keep in mind that after I reach the peak of the hill it will only be downhill from there and the pain will decrease and leave just as it got here.
I tried so hard to pretend that there was nothing wrong, but when things impede a person to achieve their goals and it hurts them to a point where they have to cry themselves to sleep... then the pretending can get quite hard....
I have something to say, I will get through this and one day after this is all over my life will be as bright as it used to be if not brighter....
I have been gone for way too long... At first... well I can say that I didn't write because life was way too nice to me... Everything was bright and I was happy....
Sadly, things always change.....
I have to adapt to a new environment, I have to learn to mend broken hearts and to look out for others. I have new responsibilities that I had never known before. I have things to think about that I couldn't have ever imagined...
Sometimes I don't know how to deal with the pain, sometimes I forget that this is just the nature of life. I have to repeat to myself that everything happens for a reason and in the end everything will turn out okay. I have to remember that I will achieve my goals only if I get through this, and if I don't then everything will be harder... As soon as I am done with this bump I will continue my college education and achieve my career....
Throughout the short years in my life I have learned many things and I have gone through many hills and valleys. I have had amazing moments in my life, but I have had horrifying and hard moments that give me too much pain... Like the pain I am feeling at this moment... The pain that doesn't hurt my body but they hurt me emotionally...
As everyday passes the pain doesn't decrease, it just increases... It increases exponentially and as everyday passes I get more and more tired of this hell... I wish that it could just end, the stabbing pain has to go away eventually, but I feel that this pain is not up to its full potential. I still have more to go through, I have yet to get to peak of this misery. I know that I will be hurt more, more parts of my heart will be broken, but I have to keep in mind that after I reach the peak of the hill it will only be downhill from there and the pain will decrease and leave just as it got here.
I tried so hard to pretend that there was nothing wrong, but when things impede a person to achieve their goals and it hurts them to a point where they have to cry themselves to sleep... then the pretending can get quite hard....
I have something to say, I will get through this and one day after this is all over my life will be as bright as it used to be if not brighter....
Monday, March 19, 2012
People Make Mistakes...
I realized that people are makers of their own lives.
People make choices for themselves and no one else, up to a point in life in which they start affecting others. Your decisions start impacting others in a way that you didn't think possible. Your decisions start coming back to bite you in the ass. Whatever choice you made, it starts hurting one way or another, whether it a mistake or not.
I have made a million mistakes, I have done things that I regret, things that if I had a chance I would go back and change, however (I know that I will contradict myself), I wouldn't change anything about them, because they brought me to where I am today. All those mistakes shaped me and made me who I am today and I know you might think otherwise, but I like who I am. I like the life I am living and I wouldn't be living it if I hadn't made the mistakes that I did.
(I Promise there is a point to this)
A few days ago I made another mistake, well actually, I've been making the same mistake for quite some time. I am trying to shape the lives of those around me. I am trying to get my loved ones to not make mistakes, but who am I to try to get them to change the way they are choosing to go? They have chosen a way to go, and the way they chose is what they want and it is what is going to shape them in the way that my mistakes shaped me. My cousin is living her life and who am I to steer her in the direction that I believe is safe when she needs to fall down in order to learn. Besides, who am I to know what is the right path!? Heck! Maybe she already is on the right path! Who am I to say that she should change it? So to my cousin, I am sorry about what I did, and I am sorry if I tried to fix your relationship, but god sometimes I worry! I care about my cousin and I swear I believed that she was making a wrong choice, but I am wrong to ever think that, because I have no right to judge anyones choices when I in fact I have made some mistakes that have just sunk me, but I always get up. My cousins, and two in specifically have always been there for me and they steered me out of my wrong choices. I thought that I could do the same for my cousin. I am guessing that I was wrong, but anyway......
I love my cousin and I can say, in my defense I was trying to take care of her. Return the favor in a way... Because she has done so much for me, and the least I was able to do is return it. Or not?
I can go on and write pages and pages of this nonsense, but my point is. I am letting her shape her own life and I won't get in the way anymore. I am sorry Primis... I didn't mean to cause any trouble... and you should go on and do what you think is right. Live your life the way you want to, follow your dreams and get to the point to where you are completely happy with who you are, and who you want with you. I love you, and even though I said I wouldn't get in the way of your path, I am here if you ever need me. I love you! <3
-Your cousin,
Andrea
People make choices for themselves and no one else, up to a point in life in which they start affecting others. Your decisions start impacting others in a way that you didn't think possible. Your decisions start coming back to bite you in the ass. Whatever choice you made, it starts hurting one way or another, whether it a mistake or not.
I have made a million mistakes, I have done things that I regret, things that if I had a chance I would go back and change, however (I know that I will contradict myself), I wouldn't change anything about them, because they brought me to where I am today. All those mistakes shaped me and made me who I am today and I know you might think otherwise, but I like who I am. I like the life I am living and I wouldn't be living it if I hadn't made the mistakes that I did.
(I Promise there is a point to this)
A few days ago I made another mistake, well actually, I've been making the same mistake for quite some time. I am trying to shape the lives of those around me. I am trying to get my loved ones to not make mistakes, but who am I to try to get them to change the way they are choosing to go? They have chosen a way to go, and the way they chose is what they want and it is what is going to shape them in the way that my mistakes shaped me. My cousin is living her life and who am I to steer her in the direction that I believe is safe when she needs to fall down in order to learn. Besides, who am I to know what is the right path!? Heck! Maybe she already is on the right path! Who am I to say that she should change it? So to my cousin, I am sorry about what I did, and I am sorry if I tried to fix your relationship, but god sometimes I worry! I care about my cousin and I swear I believed that she was making a wrong choice, but I am wrong to ever think that, because I have no right to judge anyones choices when I in fact I have made some mistakes that have just sunk me, but I always get up. My cousins, and two in specifically have always been there for me and they steered me out of my wrong choices. I thought that I could do the same for my cousin. I am guessing that I was wrong, but anyway......
I love my cousin and I can say, in my defense I was trying to take care of her. Return the favor in a way... Because she has done so much for me, and the least I was able to do is return it. Or not?
I can go on and write pages and pages of this nonsense, but my point is. I am letting her shape her own life and I won't get in the way anymore. I am sorry Primis... I didn't mean to cause any trouble... and you should go on and do what you think is right. Live your life the way you want to, follow your dreams and get to the point to where you are completely happy with who you are, and who you want with you. I love you, and even though I said I wouldn't get in the way of your path, I am here if you ever need me. I love you! <3
-Your cousin,
Andrea
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
My recent hobby is drawing.. Drawing of the day
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| In case you can't tell what it is, these are my makeup brushes lol -Annie |
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Valentine's Day is fast approaching
Valentine's Day is quickly approaching and this will be the second year in which it means something more than friendship to me. Last year was the first year that I celebrated Valentine's Day with my boyfriend, and this year will be the second (:
Anyway, I have come to realize that Valentine's Day is not only about having a boyfriend/girlfriend, it is about all your friends and family. Valentine's is about friendship and love and family. Always remember that.
So in case you are wondering what I have planned for Valentine's... Umm, I really don't know. Or maybe! Maybe I don't want to tell you! lol.
Anyway, as I was saying, February 14 must be an amazing day for couples, but hey, if you're single you can still enjoy it. The reason? Well because you have a family and friends who deserve to be recognized on a day like this. So live it up and tell your friends and family that you love them! And if you have that special someone, well show them that you love them. Don't just tell them that you love them, prove it to them, because sometimes just telling them isn't enough.
Love is an amazing thing and if you have your significant other, make sure that they know how much you love them.... Because life is unexpected and you must live the moment...
Love,
Annie♥
I think Im back, for reals this time
So, I have decided to write once again... And I won't let you down, I'll keep writing takes what it takes!!!!!!! :)
Since I am done with College applications I'll have more time in my hands, so I'll see you guys around! Okay, I'll write around... Okay... Nevermind...
Annie♥
Since I am done with College applications I'll have more time in my hands, so I'll see you guys around! Okay, I'll write around... Okay... Nevermind...
Annie♥
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Class of 2012
It is my senior year.... and everything has been so hectic for me.... nothing seems right.... It's my last year of high school and we are already half way done :( It makes me want to cry just thinking about it... Thinking about how I won't be studying with my friends anymore... How I will have to say bye to everyone that I've grown with......
I've spent more than 3 years with these people, with my peers, with my friends, with these people that have shaped who I have become....
During my freshman year I wasn't who I am today....
During
my freshman year I was a very different person... I have grown both as a
person and a scholar. I am scared. I don't want to move on, how I wish I
could stay and have another year in high school. Have another year with
all my friends and grow just a little bit more before going out to the
real world.....Life has been very rewarding to me. I have the privilege to say that I went to a really good high school, I have had great and amazing teachers, I have the best of friends that have led me to the best of paths. My high school experience has been great and I happy that I still have one more semester left, because if not, I'd be crying my heart out......
I know that I am a very sentimental person, but I am pretty sure that I am not the only one that feels the way I do about graduating... Even if i know I will be heading off to college soon, even if I know that I will lose contact with most of my peers, apart from a few exceptions, I can say that this is the beginning of a great new chapter in my life.
That is why I am thankful to all my peers, to my teachers, to my amazing school, to all my friends that have always supported me, to my family that always believed in me, to everyone that has been with me all along the way... and to all of those that I know will follow me into my future....
Thank you,
I'm back...
I realize that it has been a long time since last time that I actually wrote something solid for my blog.... I just have had a lot going on, and honestly.... Well I haven't had any solid ideas about what to write... I've had writer's block for the longest time ever...Just blank :(
I try and think of something to write but I couldn't.....
I tried to think of something productive to do...
All I did was apply to University and get started on my FAFSA..... I guess that's what it takes to be a senior.... You know what I just thought about something to write...... Yaaaaaay ME!!!
Love,
Annie♥
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