The Hummingbird

So, as life goes on we are supposed to get more experience... but I am hating all this experience...

I have to say... There was this one day, many years ago, when my parents didn't let me date. My dad told me, I don't want you to get your heart broken. I thought to myself: What if I want to get my heart broken. So I went ahead and got my heart broken, and then I might have broken one too.

NOW, well I am feeling that my heart is in a million tiny pieces.... With everything going on I feel so fragile, I feel like any little thing will hurt me even more... I don't want to have to go through this anymore.. I know that I am getting what I asked for, broken hearts, and maybe experience... but right now I don't know I guess I am fragile and with my heart the way it is, I feel that if I get even the slightest scratch, I'll die....

A few days ago I was sitting in my back patio and I noticed a humming bird... It was flying around sucking on flowers and boy, how I wished at that moment that I was a humming bird. With such an easy, graceful and beautiful life... But not everyone get what they want...

I guess I'll pass this moment, taking a look around me and making sure to value what I have in front of me. The people that are around me and support me.

I know that I might not have gotten the chance to do what I wanted to do this year. My dreams haven't gotten true. However, I will work hard to achieve them. I will get through this mess and fix everything. One way or another I will get to where I want to be.

On trust...

Okay, so I have been told multiple times that one of my worst flaws is that I trust everyone.... Or better said I trust everyone too easily...

I know that for a fact because I am quite open once you start telling me something, I have tried to work on it on recent years but I guess I have failed.

My problem is that I trust people in a way that they can come back and hit me in the back... But I take it too easily, I don't get upset and then that's why it is so easy for people to come back and do it all over again. I should have learned my lesson by now.

Now a days I can't trust my own family.... Yes it has gotten to that point. To the point where I don't know whether I can talk to them and know that I can have their support, because I can't count on their support for anything. They support me on the things that they find to their liking and not to everything that I wish for. That is the reason why all these years I haven't been able to count on their help, I can't say, "oh my parents will help me" because I don't know if they will. In the past few months I have been able to talk to my mom more often and I can tell her things. On the other side I know my dad should be no choice because I don't know how he will take things. He might like what I have to say or he might hate it. So when he hates it, he gets furious and oh who should go against his plans! Aaaahh! That is the reason why I have never confined on him, and probably never will... It is just way too hard to talk to him and when I do try to talk to him he doesn't understand half the things I have to say.

Well that was way out of topic wasn't it. Ugh.. Anyway, I suppose that is it... I should learn to get to know people before I trust them....