I realized that people are makers of their own lives.
People make choices for themselves and no one else, up to a point in life in which they start affecting others. Your decisions start impacting others in a way that you didn't think possible. Your decisions start coming back to bite you in the ass. Whatever choice you made, it starts hurting one way or another, whether it a mistake or not.
I have made a million mistakes, I have done things that I regret, things that if I had a chance I would go back and change, however (I know that I will contradict myself), I wouldn't change anything about them, because they brought me to where I am today. All those mistakes shaped me and made me who I am today and I know you might think otherwise, but I like who I am. I like the life I am living and I wouldn't be living it if I hadn't made the mistakes that I did.
(I Promise there is a point to this)
A few days ago I made another mistake, well actually, I've been making the same mistake for quite some time. I am trying to shape the lives of those around me. I am trying to get my loved ones to not make mistakes, but who am I to try to get them to change the way they are choosing to go? They have chosen a way to go, and the way they chose is what they want and it is what is going to shape them in the way that my mistakes shaped me. My cousin is living her life and who am I to steer her in the direction that I believe is safe when she needs to fall down in order to learn. Besides, who am I to know what is the right path!? Heck! Maybe she already is on the right path! Who am I to say that she should change it? So to my cousin, I am sorry about what I did, and I am sorry if I tried to fix your relationship, but god sometimes I worry! I care about my cousin and I swear I believed that she was making a wrong choice, but I am wrong to ever think that, because I have no right to judge anyones choices when I in fact I have made some mistakes that have just sunk me, but I always get up. My cousins, and two in specifically have always been there for me and they steered me out of my wrong choices. I thought that I could do the same for my cousin. I am guessing that I was wrong, but anyway......
I love my cousin and I can say, in my defense I was trying to take care of her. Return the favor in a way... Because she has done so much for me, and the least I was able to do is return it. Or not?
I can go on and write pages and pages of this nonsense, but my point is. I am letting her shape her own life and I won't get in the way anymore. I am sorry Primis... I didn't mean to cause any trouble... and you should go on and do what you think is right. Live your life the way you want to, follow your dreams and get to the point to where you are completely happy with who you are, and who you want with you. I love you, and even though I said I wouldn't get in the way of your path, I am here if you ever need me. I love you! <3
-Your cousin,
Andrea